Dick move, bro.

Dick move, bro.

Ah yes, the rare and endangered Ford SUV must be protected by all forms of douchey magic — like parking in a couple parking spaces at once! This person needs to take a good look at their life and figure out whether they’re blind or just a complete and utter asshole.

Now, I’ve mentioned a Corvette that did something similar in a previous post. That’s slightly more understandable, but still not something you should ever do because people don’t care that you have a nice car and will, at minimum, think about doing terrible things to it because they are offended by your perceived self-importance… and/or find it fucking hilarious and want to challenge your narcissistic world view.

If you’re THAT afraid of your car being hit/brushed up against/dinged… don’t go anywhere where you will have to use a parking lot! Simple as that. I understand that emergencies do arise where you must, perhaps, stop at a McDonald’s because you desperately need to pee, but that doesn’t give you the right to park like a prick.

My exceptional frustration with this particular instance is that this isn’t even a nice car… It’s not. No matter what the owner may think. It’s not part of any exclusive club. This is completely unnecessary. Their action is viewed as both inconsiderate and asinine by anyone who sees it. Unless this person is dying to be hated by everyone, they’re just a complete idiot.

I may have rambled there, but:

TLDR: If your car fits in one parking space, only use one parking space. Always.

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“Fuck you mother fucker”

This phrase was yelled at me by some punk ass bitch in a lifted SUV the other day.  Why?  Because he was tailgating me?  Because he couldn’t stop as quickly as I could and almost rear-ended me twice?  Because he couldn’t beat me in a drag race from a stop light?  Because he tried to ram me twice and if I hadn’t almost run into a median I would have been hit?  And though I wanted to yell back “Fuck you, you fucking cunt,” I did not have the balls to.

This is why I hate trucks.  Especially stupid lifted ones that serve no purpose.  They all seem to be driven by white trash mother fuckers (literally… probably a few generations of inbreeding).  This prick that then yelled “Wanna go?  Right here?” had a nice pony tail and plug piercings.  Whether he meant race or fight, I’m not sure, but he was holding up traffic at a green light.  After this, he turned into an In-N-Out… probably to eat away his inferiority. I hear burgers can cure that pretty well.  That and beer.

Road rage is scary.  Especially for a young woman like myself.  After a discussion with my boyfriend, I learned a few things about road rage and about the kind of assfaces that drive stupid lifted trucks.

  1. Dealing with road rage:
    Don’t roll down your window… especially if they are tinted–I made this rookie mistake after the aforementioned jackass tried to ram me.  I have illegal tint, and he probably couldn’t see who was in the car, but I wanted to give this guy a mouthful of swearwords and insults… however I froze up and didn’t say anything other than “the light is green.”  Thankfully he turned off the road, but unfortunately I could not get his license plate number to report him for attempted vehicular homicide/assault with a deadly weapon.  If he had continued to terrorize me, I would have had to turn off the road we were traveling on and try to loose him.  If he continued to follow me, I would have had to drive to a police station or something.  NEVER, EVER, EVER IN ALL OF ETERNITY go home if you are being followed.  Only bad news can come out of that.  In summary–keep your windows up, get the license plate number, and try to get away (escape to a police station if need be).
  2. Why people that drive trucks are jerks:
    Daddy issues, mommy issues, small dick syndrome, napoleon complex, innately asinine?  It seems as though these people think they’re hot shit and that they can bully everyone else on the road because they have some big, high tip-risk, vehicle.  Perhaps it’s because I have a little car that can actually go fast and handle a gazillion times better then their pieces of shit, but I’m constantly the target for these terrorist acts (in the literal sense that I’m being terrorized).  I’m sure other small cars experience this same trouble.  It’s like the big fat bully in school that picks on kids two grades below them… because the kids in his grade aren’t afraid of him.  I just can’t understand what the fuck goes through these people’s minds when they decide to try and shove someone off the road with their truck/SUV/jeep.  You can kill someone doing that.

If you drive a truck, any kind of truck, and you don’t tow anything ever… please rethink your life and your values.